What I've gained by removing alcohol
A Dry January post
January is here. For some, that means trying out Dry January, maybe for the first time. Before quitting alcohol, I personally had never done a Dry January, nary a Sober October. April 21st to May 22nd, 2022 was the first time I had given myself a long break from alcohol, ever. I liked it too much to torture myself with not drinking for a month.
So clearly I’m no expert. And I’m not here to say that if you’re doing Dry January you should actually consider never drinking again. (But if you did decide to never drink again, life is pretty grand!) What I will encourage instead: Treat this time as a celebration. A time to honor your body, mind, and spirit. If you do that, rather than painstakingly tick off the days until February 1st, you’ll have a much better go of it.
It’s easy to see dropping alcohol as a loss: of “fun,” of socializing, of “relaxing,” what have you. I would have felt that, too. So I want to write about what I’ve personally gained and learned by removing alcohol from my life. There’s so much I could say, but I’ll keep it short(ish). Here are five things I’ve gained, and five lessons I’ve learned in sobriety.
What I’ve gained:
Clear-headedness. When I first became sober, I couldn’t believe how good I felt. Alcohol leaves a long trail in your body as it struggles to get back to homeostasis, so even on days when I wasn’t drinking, I was still feeling the effects from the day or few days before when I was. When I became sober, it was unreal to think that this, this!! was how my body and mind were always supposed to feel. That this was my natural state. The feeling is indescribable, and it can’t be achieved from just a few weeks off or through moderation. It comes from taking a long pause to fully recalibrate your body, and my god, is it worth it.
Patience. I used to get easily frustrated by people in my life, even when the frustration was unwarranted. I was also defensive. Not great qualities! Without alcohol, I have so much more patience for those around me. I just don’t get that upset by things anymore, and I think it has to do with how good my body feels regularly. Having more patience has 100% made me a better mom than I would be if I were drinking, and I’m so grateful for that.
Energy. Alcohol dragged me down physically and mentally. It created brain fog the morning after I drank, even if I’d had just one. It never occurred to me until after I quit that while drinking, even on off days, I never truly felt like my best self. Without alcohol, I have more energy, and feel great every morning. I can’t imagine how hard the early days of motherhood would have been if I were drinking, given you need all of the energy you can muster!
Better skin. There’s a whole list of “betters” I could include, from skin to sleep to sex. Better skin was selfishly one of the main reasons I decided to take an initial break from alcohol. There’s one particular photo of myself I had taken while I was drinking. In it, I’m having a glass of red wine with a friend. I probably had 1-2 drinks that night, nothing crazy, but in the photo my skin looks awful. I look washed out and dry. Taking alcohol away, my skin is just better. I’m glowier, my rosacea has gone away, the dryness is gone. Be selfish, go alcohol-free for better skin.
Radical peace. This, of anything, may be the greatest gift sobriety has given me. I’m just… at ease. I have an inner, quiet peace that carries me through my days. Yoga has helped with this, surely, but I was a yogi for 10 years before I quit alcohol. When I was drinking, I never would have said I was a person who dealt with anxiety. And yet, I would have the occasional 3am panic thought, just like many people do. When I stopped drinking, all of my anxiety went away. I haven’t had a 3am panic thought in two years, and I had a baby! I don’t even understand how this works, but having no anxiety has given me confidence in a way I’ve never experienced before. I just feel like I can handle anything thrown at me.
What I’ve learned:
No one really cares what’s in your cup. It’s inevitable that someone will ask what you’re drinking, or even inquire more as to why you’re not drinking. It’s good to have something to say that you’re comfortable with. Mine has become “I don’t drink,” but yours might just be “I’m taking a break for Dry January.” When I first quit alcohol, I was mildly awkward about ordering a non-alcoholic beer or mocktail, or even just a seltzer with lime. But truly, most people do not care that you’re not drinking. And if they do, it’s more of a reflection of their own drinking. The amount of times I’ve told someone I don’t drink and they’ve responded with “Yeah, I only drink every now and again” or, “I’m only having two tonight” — it’s very common. Plus, once everyone starts drinking and the alcohol begins to take over, no one is paying attention to what you’re drinking.
Alcohol is actually quite boring. “You can’t selectively numb your feelings,” writes Brené Brown. It’s a simple message but a good one. When you drink, you’re numbing everything. I used to think that alcohol was enhancing all of my experiences, but in reality, once the 20 minutes of buzz was over, my brain just felt slow. I could have the same experience watching the sunset in Costa Rica or at a bar in Philadelphia, my brain felt the same. How boring! Now, everything is enhanced by sobriety because all of my senses are working at full throttle.
Alcohol does not create connection. Ugh, the amount of nights I sat hunched at a bar or in the corner of a room, oversharing to a friend or stranger, thinking I was making some kind of deep connection. Really, I was just trying to listen while my brain swam, likely repeating myself when I did speak. The other person wasn’t going to remember anything they told me anyway. Or maybe they’d regret it. Or maybe I’d regret it. And maybe we’d never talk again. This is not how deep bonds form. Listening, understanding, remembering, experiencing… this is how connection happens. This is how relationships flourish.
Alcohol-heavy events are so much more fun without alcohol. Weddings, showers, bachelorettes, vacations… all of them are more fun without alcohol. I’m serious. Enjoy the time being present with some of your favorite people. You can still dance, sing, and have quite a lot of fun without alcohol! You still have a personality without it. Things are still funny without it. Plus, when it’s 11pm and those around you are beginning to get louder or perhaps a bit sloppy, you get to go home completely sober, wash your face, put on pajamas, and wake up with the birds while they will sleep in their makeup and wakeup with hangxiety. I have never in my life regretted waking up after a night of not drinking. I have regretted waking up hungover many, many times.
The first month is like running the first mile. This one came from one of my favorite sobriety podcasters, Suzanne Warye at The Sober Mom Life, but I found the metaphor so apt. If you’re just doing Dry January (again, congratulations! Still a big step!) you likely won’t immediately reap all of the benefits of sobriety. The first month off, particularly if you don’t often (or ever) take breaks, will feel like the first mile of a run. Even if you’re a runner — and I’m not! — I’m told that the first mile always sucks. But it gets better the longer you run, and you find your stride, and the high kicks in. If you just do a month and go immediately back to drinking, you’re just running the first mile. See how January goes, and maybe, just maybe, it’ll be worth it to keep on running.
Quitting alcohol made me feel like I’d been let in on one of life’s secrets. I can’t go back because I’m too in love with how I feel every day. If nothing else, spend this month getting curious about how your mind and body feel, notice all the small and big things, and decide if it’s worth it for you.
Happy 2025. As always, thanks for reading.
xo - A
You are such an amazing writer and an inspiration!