March came and went, passing through just like the proverbial lion. It’s a weird time, honestly. Politics are weird. The weather is unsettled. There have been hints of spring that make me long desperately for warmer weather, missing each spring-like day before it even ends, before the temperature drops and the wind comes through and we’re back to bundling up, shoulders at our necks.
Still, I have so much good in my life. Spoiled, really. Enough good things in my life to make a younger me jealous. A few days into the new month, it helps me to reflect on the previous month, to catalogue these riches so I don’t easily miss them. Writing them down gives them the gratitude they deserve.
Toward the ides of the month I turned another year older and had a perfect birthday frolicking around the city with my husband while our baby was in daycare. The next day, dinner at my favorite restaurant was cruelly cut short after a case of the stomach flu presented itself the moment my beautiful scallop dinner was placed in front of me. The evening ended with my lovely husband cleaning up my vomit from the backseat of an Uber. Fun!
Some more:
We transitioned our son to a new daycare, one that is closer (walking distance!) and gratefully almost $600 a month less than his previous daycare. This cost savings allowed me to hire a biweekly cleaner, something I gave into after realizing my Saturdays would be much better spent with my family than moving my son from room to room and cleaning up around him. She’s just started but I’ve already noticed a huge weight lifted, and am so happy to be more present with my son, who is just unbelievably sweet these days. Each month with him seems to get just a little better than the last.
The end of March marked three months since I deleted Instagram. I’ve done this before, but this is the first time where I’m feeling truly “eh” about ever returning. It’s the same feeling I had when I finally gave up alcohol. Was I planning to give it up forever at the time? Unclear. Did I have any interest to go back to it? Not in the slightest. Unfortunately, my screen time has not gone down, mostly because of how often I communicate with my friends and how much time I spend reading Substack. But these things feel like a much better way to spend my time than scrolling through video after video of strangers doing things, punctuated by ads and only occasionally seeing a photo from a friend.
I’m back to riding my bike. I hadn’t ridden it since the early days of my pregnancy, after a collision with a pedestrian that wholly unnerved me. I’m riding slower and more safely — I’m a momma now — but it’s felt good to be back.
A new favorite weekend hobby this month has been trying new recipes for my son. He’s eating more things, which has been so much fun to experience. Current favorites include bananas and kiwi, which I hand him whole and unpeeled, and sweet potato “nuggets.” (A recipe found in this sweet little book.) On the “no thanks” list: eggs. (We’re working on it.)
Some final things. I recently bought this work bag, trading in a heavier shoulder bag and transforming my daily commute experience. I’m reading a friend’s novel, and am delighted by it. Another friend recently took absolutely gorgeous family photos of us, perfectly capturing the joy of our daily existence with my son around. Work has been challenging in a positive way. I’m still making it to yoga. I went to the doctor and the dentist this month.
Life is so good.
Finally. I’ve been thinking about the Chappell Roan quote about mothers. Chappell is in her twenties, so of course she has dim views of motherhood. I did too! While discussing with a friend, though, we realized it’s so common to be louder about the parts of motherhood that suck — particularly in the beginning, when sleep deprivation makes everything so very hard. What we tend to be quieter about, perhaps to not be seen as over-the-top emotional, is how absolutely incredible it is. It’s more than just fulfilling. I had never known that I could feel love the way I do with my son. There’s no words that capture the magic of seeing him smile, of making him laugh. And to think that my mom feels this way about me! Gosh, I could cry.
Thank you, as always, for reading.
Until next month, when we’ll finally understand where on earth White Lotus is going.
xo, -A
I love that picture of you two!! Also nooo idea what’s going to happen on White Lotus not even a guess 🫣